Pick me up

"Great legs, what time do they open?"
Your friends might find this hilarious, but you're certainly not getting anywhere with her by trying this pick up line. Anytime you imply that a good-looking girl is easy because she's dressed provocatively & in a bar, you're committing a huge mistake. If she's hot, would she really be interested in hearing you belittle her? & it's not witty, it's just insulting.

"Hey girl, what's up? Guess what? It's your lucky day. Out of all the girls here, I picked you to talk to."
Confidence is always good, but when it crosses the line into arrogance, you won't be having much luck with the ladies.

"Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?"
Kind of funny, yes, but you want to know why it's so bad? Too cocky. This type of pick up lines has got egomaniac written all over it.

"Excuse me, I think you owe me a drink. Because when I saw you from across the room I dropped mine."
Not only will this trigger the bullsh*t detector on most girls, but you're bound to get labelled a cheapskate to boot. At this point, you shouldn't be asking her for things but instead, offering to make her life better in some small way - or at least buy her a drink.

What does work however is to use a charming, sincere, & witty pick up line. Another area that is a quick turn off is to use a pick up line that sounds like a pick up line. Women want to hear a conversation starter, not a pick up line. So, make sure that you fine tune your pick up line & present it in a way that opens dialogue & is a form of communication, not a command that demeans the woman's character.

When you first meet a woman, unless you want a slap in the face, your pick line should be complimentary in nature, not overtly sexual. Here are the few good pick up lines that you can use as conversation starters.

"Besides being gorgeous, what else do you do for a living?"
This is a great pick up line because it opens with a compliment & is then followed by a sincere question - what line of work are you in. It is a two fold compliment; the first says that the woman is beautiful, the second that you are interested in her area of work, or her brains. Make sure you say it with a genuine & sincere smile & it will work like a charm.

"Heaven called, they said they're missing an angel. No, seriously, where are you from?"
This pick up line plays on the heaven/angel theme - a very common topic used in pick up lines. But this one leads into a conversational topic. Often, people use pick up lines & then are left dumbfounded with nothing else to say. Always follow your pick up line with a question or a comment that elicits a response.

"I only have a minute before I must get back to my friends, but I wanted to introduce myself to you."
This line is more formal & old fashioned, but it takes the edge off. Most women tend to shy away from men who they think may become instant stalkers. By letting her know from the beginning that you aren't planning on monopolizing her time, she will be more receptive to your introduction & conversation.

"The only thing your body language isn't telling me is your name."
This line is a bit more straightforward & should be used only when you are positive that you & the woman have made that first connection. It is another great starting point that leads into an introduction.

Remember guys, don't take pick up lines so seriously, or it's bound to fail. Let your guard down a bit, & make it clear that you're aware of the cliched approach you're taking. The girl may not swoon, but she'll probably think you're cool enough to carry on a conversation with. The rest is up to you ;)

Love To All

yes you too

Psychotic laws

History also plays a major part on the reason for the existence of some laws. Something might have happened in the past that led the lawmakers to come up with such policies. However, as times change, some laws fail to evolve and cope with the people’s modern way of life. Ergo, there are laws that seem so stupid and utterly foolish to us.

Often, these absurd laws have obvious explanations. For example, in France, naming your pig “Napoleon” is punishable by law. This is because France is the country of the great historical figure Napoleon Bonaparte. Napoleon is the hero of France. That’s why for the French, it is really inappropriate to name a pig “Napoleon.” It’s like someone from the Vatican naming his pig Jesus Christ or Benedict XVI.

For 12 years, chewing gums have been forbidden in Singapore. This may sound ridiculous to many but this law assures the Singaporean government of waste reduction.

Yes, there is an explanation behind every absurd law. However, some laws just sound so dumb that when you hear it, there is no way that you won’t smile, snicker or roll on the floor, laughing to death. Here are 37 of them.

The Married Life

37. In Owensboro, Kentucky, it is illegal for a woman to buy a new hat without her husband trying it on first. (How about a girly hat?)

36. In Pennsylvania, no man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. (Booo! Boo! Haha)

35. In Vermont, it is illegal for women to wear false teeth without written permission from their husbands.

34. In Arkansas, a man can legally beat his wife but only once a month. (Beat her twice, you’re going to jail!)

33. In Colorado, it is illegal for men to kiss their wives on a Sunday.

32. In Hong Kong a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah. Justice is sweet.)

Against the Horny

31. In Iowa, it is illegal to kiss for more than five minutes. (How about 5.01 minutes, no?)

30. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation. (Whew! I’m in the right Southeast Asian country! Thank God.)

29. In Washington, it is illegal to have sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (Under ANY circumstances? Really? Really?)

28. In Tremonton, Utah, no woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of the city. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and “her name is to be published in the local newspaper.” The man isn’t charged nor is his name revealed.

Poor Animals

27. In Atlanta, it’s against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or a street lamp.

26. In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

25. In Wilbur, Washington, it is illegal to ride an ugly horse. (Er… define ugly.)

24. In Alaska, shooting bears is legal. However, waking up a sleeping bear just for the purpose of taking pictures is prohibited. (You can kill it but you can’t wake it up? Are they serious?)

23. In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits. (So if a chicken crosses a road, it will be arrested? They will really arrest a chicken? For real?)

22. In Oklahoma, dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property. (How do dogs apply for a permit exactly?)

21. In Mobile, Alabama, it is illegal for pigeons to eat pebbles from composite roofs. (Do pigeons know this? Are they oriented? Coz that’s unfair if they have no idea, you know.)

20. In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (What kind of male animal would let a sexual…)

19. In Texas, it’s legal for a chicken to have sex with you, but it’s illegal to reciprocate. (A chicken? Seriously?)

18. In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (A PORCUPINE?!?!?)

What the?!?

17. In McLough, Kansas, it’s illegal to wash your false teeth in a public drinking fountain. (Eeeeeew!)

16. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door (even a complete stranger) and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter.

15. In Nebraska, a parent can be arrested if his child burps during a church service.

14. In Louisiana, biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.” (What’s the difference?)

13. In Joliet, Illinois, women can be arrested for trying on more than six dresses in one store. (Wahaha. I know so many women who would’ve been arrested by now had they been in Joliet.)

12. In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. (Go figure.)

11. In Chicago, it is against the law to eat in an establishment that is on fire. (There has been someone who dunnit? He lookin’ for barbeque?)

10. In Louisiana, it is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. (What? The bank teller can’t get wet!)

9. In Massachusetts mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. (Oh come on. Give them a break! They’re mourning! Cruel lawmakers.)

8. In Georgia, people are prohibited to say “Oh boy” in public. (But… but why?!?)

7. In Massachusetts, men have to obtain a license to wear a goatee. (If you don’t have it, then man, you’re going down.)

6. In San Salvador, El Salvador, the punishment for drunk driving can be death by firing squad. (Britney Spears, never set foot on San Salvador. K?)

5. In Washington, it is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the Chief of Police as he is entering the town. (And why would criminals do that?)

4. In Danville, Pennsylvania, all fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires. (If they knew just when a fire would strike, why not just ready a fire truck?)

3. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow. (Whoah, legal murder. I love it.)

2. In California, anyone classified as ugly may not walk down the streets. (Again, define ugly. Haha. So if you’re in California, be scared. Be very, very scared. No wonder everyone is pretty in Hollywood.)

1. In Britain, it is illegal to die inside the House of Parliament.

…

They say that every country has its share of ridiculous laws. Wherever you go, there is at least one law that will make your head spin. Some of these laws are considered “dead.” However, since they are still not officially discarded or at least, amended, their existence will remain to be laws that, in theory, must be respected and complied with.

Top Ten Corporate Buzzwords and Catchphrases

Scott Adams, in the “Dilbert” comic strips and books, pokes fun at office behavior most of us usually take for granted. Among the many things satirized in “Dilbert” was corporate jargon. Corporate lingo is often used in meetings, employee manuals, e-mails, and even daily conversation. Executives and the higher-ups in the corporation try to hide their real motives – and yes, even their ignorance – with words that sound good. Here are ten catchphrases that have caught on with executives and bosses:

10. Six-Sigma

“Six-Sigma” refers to a business management strategy innovated by Motorola, and is often used by many companies to identify and remove errors in a business process. Six-Sigma is a very sophisticated management system that has a lot to do with mathematics and statistics. Some executives say that they have had “extensive training” in Six-Sigma, although they end up hiring too many consultants, or “Black Belts,” who devise complicated solutions to simple problems (like rules on wallpaper and the use of the company dartboard). The Six-Sigma approach is also partly responsible for the acronyms and slogans your company probably uses in its advertisements.

9. Reengineer

“Reengineering” is also called “business process redesign.” While it’s a very catchy term applied by many companies, it’s a convenient excuse used by some to add more tasks to your workload. Michael Hammer and James Champy, the authors of “Reengineering the Corporation,” claim that most companies waste too much time delegating tasks between departments and employees. In a reengineered company, entire parts of the business process are delegated to a team of overworked employees.

8. Paradigm

Let’s face it, your boss has no idea what you actually do for the company. Some bosses, with the intent to prove themselves worth their hefty salaries and penthouse offices, pretend to know every part of the business process, down to the most menial job in the office. A “paradigm” is a buzzword that the boss uses to take cool-sounding part of your job and tries to convince you he knows what you do, but ends up blabbering nonsense. Take this as an example: “We can adopt a paradigm where systems downtime can be eradicated through optimized viral benchmarks. That fulfills our results-oriented thrust, which must apply to programming and overall operational excellence.”

7. Synergy

“Synergy” can mean a lot of things in a corporation, to the point that everything in the company becomes “synergistic.” Synergy means a dynamic relationship that results in a greater and more far-reaching effect for the company, although it can also refer to morning exercise, birthday celebrations, corporate meetings, and the lunch line at the office pantry. Sometimes the word “synergy” does not have to mean anything at all, and can be used to enhance one’s sentences. Even the top brass at some companies use “synergy” to describe an employee who punches out after three straight hours of overtime; “What a synergistic employee!”

6. Thought Leadership

A “thought leader” gets praises from the boss for stating the obvious during a meeting or a conference. There was once a time that a thought leader proposes visionary, forward-thinking, and insightful thoughts. Great ideas are hard to come by, especially if the boss schedules a meeting just an hour after your lunch break. Most thought leaders are the bosses themselves, who demonstrate thought leadership by lifting ideas from business management books.

5. Systems

Many companies have an unhealthy obsession with “systems,” that they devise systems for systems that already exist in the first place. Chances are your company is full of systems that cover everything from server administration to human resources to toilet paper replacement. Companies “systematize” everything to the point that workers become bored and confused with the “system” they belong in. A good example of a system is the management information system (MIS), which is the file cabinet that holds employee records.

4. Float

Companies have long since done away with the word “fired” for more appealing terms, like “downsizing” and “rightsizing.” Employees who receive the pink slip see right through these catchphrases, so corporations devised a new strategy to go along with a new term, “float.” Instead of letting an employee go, a company lets him or her stay for a while in the company until a new position opens in the company. While most companies think that a “float” decreases recruitment costs, productivity figures are lowered. Employee morale also dips because people think that the company is a sinking ship.

3. Competitive Advantage

“Competitive advantage” refers to the profits and reputation a company enjoys compared with other companies in the same field. Competitive advantage sounds good, until executives start to use it to describe even the most mundane of things. As long as there’s something to compete about, from stock numbers to the perfect crease in a pair of suit pants, business executives will do everything to get a competitive advantage. The phrase is also a favorite ad lib for executives during regular meetings.

2. Best Practices

Something as simple as an employee manual can be rephrased into a more corporate-sounding one. A favorite corporate buzzword for any document that outlines proper office behavior is “best practices.” “Best practices” is one of the most overused corporate buzzwords. Like any buzzword, it can refer to almost anything from business techniques to politically-correct speech to dress code. Even bad ideas like a set frequency for bathroom breaks are often termed as “best practice.”

1. Revolutionary

“Revolutionary” is the most overused buzzword in the corporate world today. There was a time that the word “revolution” would light a fire in the bellies of the passionate but oppressed masses. The mere mention of “revolution” would have them up in arms against their oppressors. Today, “revolutionary” describes every single thing a company does, even if there’s nothing unique or dramatic about them. There are “revolutionary” business processes copied from business books, ideas imitated from other companies, and even the “revolutionary” arrangement of cubicles. The word is often used by executives to “inspire” a group of bored employees during annual company speeches, who end up playing Buzzword Bingo.

Not all executives and bosses use buzzwords in the same way, and some may even know what exactly the word means and what it’s used for. As long as there are people who will keep on using buzzwords and annoying catchphrases at the office, corporate lingo is here to stay and annoy us all.