Wife 1.0

I had to share this.
Happy Sunday to All!

Re: Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker- night 10.3 and Beer-bash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you help me?


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Dear Sir-

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur.

The best course of action will be to push apologize button then reset button as soon as lockup occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.

10 Reasons for Women to Flatter Themselves

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, it is not good for man to be alone.

And the Number 1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"

I found this VALID

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...one old love

she can imagine

going back to...

and one who reminds

her how far she has come...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...enough money within her

control to move out and

rent a place of her own

even if she never wants

to or needs to...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

.. something perfect to wear if

the employer or date of her dreams

wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

.. a youth she's content

to leave behind...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a past juicy enough that

she's looking forward to

retelling it in her old age....


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a set of screwdrivers, a

cordless drill, and a black

lace bra...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

..one friend who always makes

her laugh ... and one who lets

her cry...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a good piece of furniture

not previously owned by anyone

else in her family...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...eight matching plates, wine

glasses with stems, and a recipe

for a meal that will make her

guests feel honored.


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a feeling of control over

her destiny

If You Are A Woman, Thank God for That!

The Best Day of My LIfe

Today, when I awoke, I suddenly realized that this is the best day of my life, ever!
There were times when I wondered if I would make it to today; but I did!
And because I did I'm going to celebrate!

Today, I'm going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far:
the accomplishments,
the many blessings,
and, yes, even the hardships
because they have served to make me stronger.
I will go through this day with my head held high and a happy heart.
I will marvel at God's seemingly simple gifts:
the morning dew,
the sun,
the clouds,
the trees,
the flowers,
the birds.

Today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice.

Today, I will share my excitement for life with other people.

I'll make someone smile.

I'll go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for someone I don't even know. Today, I'll give a sincere compliment to someone who seems down. I'll tell a child how special he is, and I'll tell someone I love just how deeply I care for them and how much they mean to me.

Today is the day I quit worrying about what I don't have and start being grateful for all the wonderful things God has already given me. I'll remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in God and his Divine Plan ensures everything will be just fine.

And tonight, before I go to bed, I'll go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens. I will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon, and I will praise God for these magnificent treasures.

As the day ends and I lay my head down on my pillow, I will thank the Almighty for the best day of my life.

And I will sleep the sleep of a contented child, excited with expectation because
I know tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life, ever!