My Guilty Pleasures

You know how sometimes I argue that I don’t believe in guilty pleasures?

Ha, I sound like shit. But that doesnt change the fact that I indulge in guilty pleasures.

I realize that some of these are unjustifiable, and horrible, but I am not going to be providing any context, justifications, or anything. Just throwing this out there.

1. Not showering for a couple of days

2. Reading hate and scream blogs

3. Indulging in online celeb gossip

4. Starting to talk what I dont believe in

5. Limpbizkit

6. Desperate Housewives

7. Hate Shit

Psychotic laws

History also plays a major part on the reason for the existence of some laws. Something might have happened in the past that led the lawmakers to come up with such policies. However, as times change, some laws fail to evolve and cope with the people’s modern way of life. Ergo, there are laws that seem so stupid and utterly foolish to us.

Often, these absurd laws have obvious explanations. For example, in France, naming your pig “Napoleon” is punishable by law. This is because France is the country of the great historical figure Napoleon Bonaparte. Napoleon is the hero of France. That’s why for the French, it is really inappropriate to name a pig “Napoleon.” It’s like someone from the Vatican naming his pig Jesus Christ or Benedict XVI.

For 12 years, chewing gums have been forbidden in Singapore. This may sound ridiculous to many but this law assures the Singaporean government of waste reduction.

Yes, there is an explanation behind every absurd law. However, some laws just sound so dumb that when you hear it, there is no way that you won’t smile, snicker or roll on the floor, laughing to death. Here are 37 of them.

The Married Life

37. In Owensboro, Kentucky, it is illegal for a woman to buy a new hat without her husband trying it on first. (How about a girly hat?)

36. In Pennsylvania, no man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. (Booo! Boo! Haha)

35. In Vermont, it is illegal for women to wear false teeth without written permission from their husbands.

34. In Arkansas, a man can legally beat his wife but only once a month. (Beat her twice, you’re going to jail!)

33. In Colorado, it is illegal for men to kiss their wives on a Sunday.

32. In Hong Kong a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah. Justice is sweet.)

Against the Horny

31. In Iowa, it is illegal to kiss for more than five minutes. (How about 5.01 minutes, no?)

30. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation. (Whew! I’m in the right Southeast Asian country! Thank God.)

29. In Washington, it is illegal to have sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (Under ANY circumstances? Really? Really?)

28. In Tremonton, Utah, no woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of the city. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and “her name is to be published in the local newspaper.” The man isn’t charged nor is his name revealed.

Poor Animals

27. In Atlanta, it’s against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or a street lamp.

26. In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

25. In Wilbur, Washington, it is illegal to ride an ugly horse. (Er… define ugly.)

24. In Alaska, shooting bears is legal. However, waking up a sleeping bear just for the purpose of taking pictures is prohibited. (You can kill it but you can’t wake it up? Are they serious?)

23. In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits. (So if a chicken crosses a road, it will be arrested? They will really arrest a chicken? For real?)

22. In Oklahoma, dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property. (How do dogs apply for a permit exactly?)

21. In Mobile, Alabama, it is illegal for pigeons to eat pebbles from composite roofs. (Do pigeons know this? Are they oriented? Coz that’s unfair if they have no idea, you know.)

20. In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (What kind of male animal would let a sexual…)

19. In Texas, it’s legal for a chicken to have sex with you, but it’s illegal to reciprocate. (A chicken? Seriously?)

18. In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (A PORCUPINE?!?!?)

What the?!?

17. In McLough, Kansas, it’s illegal to wash your false teeth in a public drinking fountain. (Eeeeeew!)

16. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door (even a complete stranger) and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter.

15. In Nebraska, a parent can be arrested if his child burps during a church service.

14. In Louisiana, biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.” (What’s the difference?)

13. In Joliet, Illinois, women can be arrested for trying on more than six dresses in one store. (Wahaha. I know so many women who would’ve been arrested by now had they been in Joliet.)

12. In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. (Go figure.)

11. In Chicago, it is against the law to eat in an establishment that is on fire. (There has been someone who dunnit? He lookin’ for barbeque?)

10. In Louisiana, it is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. (What? The bank teller can’t get wet!)

9. In Massachusetts mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. (Oh come on. Give them a break! They’re mourning! Cruel lawmakers.)

8. In Georgia, people are prohibited to say “Oh boy” in public. (But… but why?!?)

7. In Massachusetts, men have to obtain a license to wear a goatee. (If you don’t have it, then man, you’re going down.)

6. In San Salvador, El Salvador, the punishment for drunk driving can be death by firing squad. (Britney Spears, never set foot on San Salvador. K?)

5. In Washington, it is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the Chief of Police as he is entering the town. (And why would criminals do that?)

4. In Danville, Pennsylvania, all fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires. (If they knew just when a fire would strike, why not just ready a fire truck?)

3. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow. (Whoah, legal murder. I love it.)

2. In California, anyone classified as ugly may not walk down the streets. (Again, define ugly. Haha. So if you’re in California, be scared. Be very, very scared. No wonder everyone is pretty in Hollywood.)

1. In Britain, it is illegal to die inside the House of Parliament.

They say that every country has its share of ridiculous laws. Wherever you go, there is at least one law that will make your head spin. Some of these laws are considered “dead.” However, since they are still not officially discarded or at least, amended, their existence will remain to be laws that, in theory, must be respected and complied with.

10 worst jobs ever

Do you remember when you were in the second grade? Your teacher would always ask you what you wanted to be when you grow up. Well, it probably didn’t turn out quite the way you expected.

Chances are you are sitting right now in the office doing loads and loads of paper work; by the time you’re finished, your boss will call you to attend an important meeting. You go home late and your annoying officemate spilled coffee on your new shirt! Great. Just great!

Another bad day at the office!

Well the next time you feel like locking yourself in the bathroom because of work, just think that things could get worse. How? You could end up doing the worst job in the world! You could get a literally stinking job with high health risks, not to mention a bad pay check!

Read on and find out the top ten worst jobs:

10. Librarian

Always keep quite
This work may not be the worst but for some it could be just plain boring. If you are the sociable or talkative type of person, then the library is certainly not the place for you! You don’t get to chat much, plus you must prevent people from talking too loud by “shssh-ing” them all the time.

Unless you love books, you probably wouldn’t be able to stand a place surrounded by dusty papers. Imagine arranging shelf after shelf of musty and dusty books, only to get a small figure on that monthly pay slip.

9. Supermarket Baggers

If you think their work is easy, then try standing on your feet for eight straight hours while constantly lifting grocery loads as heavy as 80 pounds!

These employees are in real danger of a musculoskeletal disorder. Carrying heavy loads almost every day while standing for hours could cause some serious back problems.

Apart from the physical strain, a grocery store bagger earns only $300 per week, compared to office workers who sit comfortably with $550 dollars. Talk about unfair earnings!

8. Portable Toilet Cleaner

What could be worse than having diarrhea? Having to clean a portable toilet of course!

Portable toilets are nasty! There are papers everywhere, the flooring is wet, the door knob is sticky, plus it stinks! Now, imagine yourself cleaning this EVERY DAY! Now that’s pure hell!

Portable toilet cleaners clean these smelly boxes again and again. You couldn’t pay someone enough to do that.

So the next time you use these toilets, remember to be considerate to the people who clean them!

7. Forensic Entomologist

Unlike the first three jobs, this position doesn’t sound too bad. Well, you’ve been fooled!

Forensic entomology is not for the faint hearted. This work entails you to bask in the morgue while analyzing the bugs that feed on dead bodies! They study larvae, maggots as well as blowflies that live in the decaying bodies of humans!

This study helps the police to identify the interval between a person’s death and the body’s discovery. Although it may sound like CSI, it isn’t as glamorous as Gil Grissom looking at bugs through a magnifying glass!

6. Garbologist

Garbology is the anthropological as well as the archaeological study of, you guessed it — garbage!

The things that you throw in that waste bin are exactly what these people are occupied with, only they have to dig in deep mountains of trash. This means landfills, where they check out tons of refuse. Garbologists then analyze such garbage, relating it to the pattern of human consumption.

Garbology can be quite a tough profession. Digging into piles of trash could pose very serious dangers to your health.

5. Coursework Carcass Preparer
Frog dissection in the ninth grade isn’t exactly evryone’s cup of tea. In fact, the thought of it reminds you of the icky smell of formaldehyde! But if you land a job as a carcass preparer, that formaldehyde will be your perfume for the eight hours you have to spend in the office!

Coursework carcass preparers do this for a living. They bottle everything from cats, dogs, turtles, frogs and even sharks. These are the people behind every frog dissected by ninth graders.

Aside from being a not so glamorous job, carcass preparers spend their career inhaling those formaldehyde fumes!

4. Industrial Laundry Cleaners and Garbage Collectors

Garbage collectors are known for doing all the messy jobs. But hospital garbage collectors and laundry workers take the cake when it comes to perilous waste. This includes bio-hazardous items and stuff from the hospital such as needles, blood, body parts and bodily fluids.

These workers are exposed to these toxins that can put their own health at risk of infection. These people can unknowingly catch diseases because they deal with toxic garbage every day!

3. Elevator operator

What could be more boring than being an elevator operator?

You can’t blame these people if they doze off to lala land! For one, their office is confined within the four small walls of the elevator! You have about 20 to 30 buttons for your computer and you are (well your fingers are) literally always on the move!

People never even bother to talk to you or to even say please! The worst part is when someone rips smelly gas inside of your office while the doors are closed.

2. Whale Feces Researcher
Dead Whale in the shoreIf the title sounds stinky, wait until you hear what these people do!

A whale feces researcher spends the day scooping up and studying whale excrement!

These researchers are responsible for studying the bio-toxin systems of rare whale species. Apart from this, they analyze the whale’s genetic makeup and lineage through their waste.

1. Gravity Research Subject

The gravity in sleepingEvery kid knows that sleeping with your head lower than your feet causes one nasty headache in the morning! Did you know that there are people who do this for a living! They are paid to spend at least three to four weeks lying very still at a six degree angle!

Similar to a guinea, a gravity researcher does this to stimulate the effects of being weightless on the body. Apart from being in that position for weeks, these individuals are also immersed in a centrifugal test which means they are spun around every day!

There you have it! The worst jobs ever! So, are you still thinking of that career shift?

Top Ten Corporate Buzzwords and Catchphrases

Scott Adams, in the “Dilbert” comic strips and books, pokes fun at office behavior most of us usually take for granted. Among the many things satirized in “Dilbert” was corporate jargon. Corporate lingo is often used in meetings, employee manuals, e-mails, and even daily conversation. Executives and the higher-ups in the corporation try to hide their real motives – and yes, even their ignorance – with words that sound good. Here are ten catchphrases that have caught on with executives and bosses:

10. Six-Sigma

“Six-Sigma” refers to a business management strategy innovated by Motorola, and is often used by many companies to identify and remove errors in a business process. Six-Sigma is a very sophisticated management system that has a lot to do with mathematics and statistics. Some executives say that they have had “extensive training” in Six-Sigma, although they end up hiring too many consultants, or “Black Belts,” who devise complicated solutions to simple problems (like rules on wallpaper and the use of the company dartboard). The Six-Sigma approach is also partly responsible for the acronyms and slogans your company probably uses in its advertisements.

9. Reengineer

“Reengineering” is also called “business process redesign.” While it’s a very catchy term applied by many companies, it’s a convenient excuse used by some to add more tasks to your workload. Michael Hammer and James Champy, the authors of “Reengineering the Corporation,” claim that most companies waste too much time delegating tasks between departments and employees. In a reengineered company, entire parts of the business process are delegated to a team of overworked employees.

8. Paradigm

Let’s face it, your boss has no idea what you actually do for the company. Some bosses, with the intent to prove themselves worth their hefty salaries and penthouse offices, pretend to know every part of the business process, down to the most menial job in the office. A “paradigm” is a buzzword that the boss uses to take cool-sounding part of your job and tries to convince you he knows what you do, but ends up blabbering nonsense. Take this as an example: “We can adopt a paradigm where systems downtime can be eradicated through optimized viral benchmarks. That fulfills our results-oriented thrust, which must apply to programming and overall operational excellence.”

7. Synergy

“Synergy” can mean a lot of things in a corporation, to the point that everything in the company becomes “synergistic.” Synergy means a dynamic relationship that results in a greater and more far-reaching effect for the company, although it can also refer to morning exercise, birthday celebrations, corporate meetings, and the lunch line at the office pantry. Sometimes the word “synergy” does not have to mean anything at all, and can be used to enhance one’s sentences. Even the top brass at some companies use “synergy” to describe an employee who punches out after three straight hours of overtime; “What a synergistic employee!”

6. Thought Leadership

A “thought leader” gets praises from the boss for stating the obvious during a meeting or a conference. There was once a time that a thought leader proposes visionary, forward-thinking, and insightful thoughts. Great ideas are hard to come by, especially if the boss schedules a meeting just an hour after your lunch break. Most thought leaders are the bosses themselves, who demonstrate thought leadership by lifting ideas from business management books.

5. Systems

Many companies have an unhealthy obsession with “systems,” that they devise systems for systems that already exist in the first place. Chances are your company is full of systems that cover everything from server administration to human resources to toilet paper replacement. Companies “systematize” everything to the point that workers become bored and confused with the “system” they belong in. A good example of a system is the management information system (MIS), which is the file cabinet that holds employee records.

4. Float

Companies have long since done away with the word “fired” for more appealing terms, like “downsizing” and “rightsizing.” Employees who receive the pink slip see right through these catchphrases, so corporations devised a new strategy to go along with a new term, “float.” Instead of letting an employee go, a company lets him or her stay for a while in the company until a new position opens in the company. While most companies think that a “float” decreases recruitment costs, productivity figures are lowered. Employee morale also dips because people think that the company is a sinking ship.

3. Competitive Advantage

“Competitive advantage” refers to the profits and reputation a company enjoys compared with other companies in the same field. Competitive advantage sounds good, until executives start to use it to describe even the most mundane of things. As long as there’s something to compete about, from stock numbers to the perfect crease in a pair of suit pants, business executives will do everything to get a competitive advantage. The phrase is also a favorite ad lib for executives during regular meetings.

2. Best Practices

Something as simple as an employee manual can be rephrased into a more corporate-sounding one. A favorite corporate buzzword for any document that outlines proper office behavior is “best practices.” “Best practices” is one of the most overused corporate buzzwords. Like any buzzword, it can refer to almost anything from business techniques to politically-correct speech to dress code. Even bad ideas like a set frequency for bathroom breaks are often termed as “best practice.”

1. Revolutionary

“Revolutionary” is the most overused buzzword in the corporate world today. There was a time that the word “revolution” would light a fire in the bellies of the passionate but oppressed masses. The mere mention of “revolution” would have them up in arms against their oppressors. Today, “revolutionary” describes every single thing a company does, even if there’s nothing unique or dramatic about them. There are “revolutionary” business processes copied from business books, ideas imitated from other companies, and even the “revolutionary” arrangement of cubicles. The word is often used by executives to “inspire” a group of bored employees during annual company speeches, who end up playing Buzzword Bingo.

Not all executives and bosses use buzzwords in the same way, and some may even know what exactly the word means and what it’s used for. As long as there are people who will keep on using buzzwords and annoying catchphrases at the office, corporate lingo is here to stay and annoy us all.
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