Wife 1.0

I had to share this.
Happy Sunday to All!

Re: Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker- night 10.3 and Beer-bash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you help me?


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Dear Sir-

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur.

The best course of action will be to push apologize button then reset button as soon as lockup occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.

10 Reasons for Women to Flatter Themselves

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, it is not good for man to be alone.

And the Number 1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"

I found this VALID

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...one old love

she can imagine

going back to...

and one who reminds

her how far she has come...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...enough money within her

control to move out and

rent a place of her own

even if she never wants

to or needs to...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

.. something perfect to wear if

the employer or date of her dreams

wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

.. a youth she's content

to leave behind...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a past juicy enough that

she's looking forward to

retelling it in her old age....


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a set of screwdrivers, a

cordless drill, and a black

lace bra...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

..one friend who always makes

her laugh ... and one who lets

her cry...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a good piece of furniture

not previously owned by anyone

else in her family...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...eight matching plates, wine

glasses with stems, and a recipe

for a meal that will make her

guests feel honored.


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...a feeling of control over

her destiny

If You Are A Woman, Thank God for That!

The Best Day of My LIfe

Today, when I awoke, I suddenly realized that this is the best day of my life, ever!
There were times when I wondered if I would make it to today; but I did!
And because I did I'm going to celebrate!

Today, I'm going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far:
the accomplishments,
the many blessings,
and, yes, even the hardships
because they have served to make me stronger.
I will go through this day with my head held high and a happy heart.
I will marvel at God's seemingly simple gifts:
the morning dew,
the sun,
the clouds,
the trees,
the flowers,
the birds.

Today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice.

Today, I will share my excitement for life with other people.

I'll make someone smile.

I'll go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for someone I don't even know. Today, I'll give a sincere compliment to someone who seems down. I'll tell a child how special he is, and I'll tell someone I love just how deeply I care for them and how much they mean to me.

Today is the day I quit worrying about what I don't have and start being grateful for all the wonderful things God has already given me. I'll remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in God and his Divine Plan ensures everything will be just fine.

And tonight, before I go to bed, I'll go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens. I will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon, and I will praise God for these magnificent treasures.

As the day ends and I lay my head down on my pillow, I will thank the Almighty for the best day of my life.

And I will sleep the sleep of a contented child, excited with expectation because
I know tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life, ever!

The 'misunderestimated' president?

All politicians are prone to make slips of the tongue in the heat of the moment – and President George W Bush has made more than most. The word "Bushism" has been coined to label his occasional verbal lapses during eight years in office, which come to an end on 20th January. Here are some of his most memorable pronouncements.

ON HIMSELF

- "They misunderestimated me."

Bentonville, Arkansas, 6 November, 2000

- "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe -- I believe what I believe is right."

Rome, 22 July, 2001

- "There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again."

Nashville, Tennessee, 17 September, 2002

- "I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me."

Nashville, Tennessee, 27 May, 2004



FOREIGN AFFAIRS

- "The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorise himself."

Grand Rapids, Michigan, 29 January, 2003

- "The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the -- the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice."

Washington DC, 27 October, 2003

- "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

Washington DC, 5 August, 2004

- "I think war is a dangerous place."

Washington DC, 7 May, 2003

- "You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror."

CBS News, Washington DC, 6 September, 2006



ECONOMICS

- "I understand small business growth. I was one."

New York Daily News, 19 February, 2000

- "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."

Reuters, 5 May, 2000



HEALTHCARE

- "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."

Poplar Bluff, Missouri, 6 September, 2004



OUT OF LEFT FIELD

- "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."

Saginaw, Michigan, 29 September, 2000

- "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

Florence, South Carolina, 11 January, 2000

- "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

LaCrosse, Wisconsin, 18 October, 2000

- "That's George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three - three or four books about him last year. Isn't that interesting?"

Speaking to reporter Kai Diekmann, Washington DC, 5 May, 2006



ON GOVERNING

- "I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who brings people together."

Bartlett, Tennessee, 18 August, 2000

- "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best."

Washington DC, 18 April, 2006

- "And truth of the matter is, a lot of reports in Washington are never read by anybody. To show you how important this one is, I read it, and [Tony Blair] read it."

On the publication of the Baker-Hamilton Report, Washington DC, 7 December, 2006

- "All I can tell you is when the governor calls, I answer his phone."

San Diego, California, 25 October, 2007

- "I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."

Washington DC, 12 May, 2008

--Courtesy BBC

Pick me up

"Great legs, what time do they open?"
Your friends might find this hilarious, but you're certainly not getting anywhere with her by trying this pick up line. Anytime you imply that a good-looking girl is easy because she's dressed provocatively & in a bar, you're committing a huge mistake. If she's hot, would she really be interested in hearing you belittle her? & it's not witty, it's just insulting.

"Hey girl, what's up? Guess what? It's your lucky day. Out of all the girls here, I picked you to talk to."
Confidence is always good, but when it crosses the line into arrogance, you won't be having much luck with the ladies.

"Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?"
Kind of funny, yes, but you want to know why it's so bad? Too cocky. This type of pick up lines has got egomaniac written all over it.

"Excuse me, I think you owe me a drink. Because when I saw you from across the room I dropped mine."
Not only will this trigger the bullsh*t detector on most girls, but you're bound to get labelled a cheapskate to boot. At this point, you shouldn't be asking her for things but instead, offering to make her life better in some small way - or at least buy her a drink.

What does work however is to use a charming, sincere, & witty pick up line. Another area that is a quick turn off is to use a pick up line that sounds like a pick up line. Women want to hear a conversation starter, not a pick up line. So, make sure that you fine tune your pick up line & present it in a way that opens dialogue & is a form of communication, not a command that demeans the woman's character.

When you first meet a woman, unless you want a slap in the face, your pick line should be complimentary in nature, not overtly sexual. Here are the few good pick up lines that you can use as conversation starters.

"Besides being gorgeous, what else do you do for a living?"
This is a great pick up line because it opens with a compliment & is then followed by a sincere question - what line of work are you in. It is a two fold compliment; the first says that the woman is beautiful, the second that you are interested in her area of work, or her brains. Make sure you say it with a genuine & sincere smile & it will work like a charm.

"Heaven called, they said they're missing an angel. No, seriously, where are you from?"
This pick up line plays on the heaven/angel theme - a very common topic used in pick up lines. But this one leads into a conversational topic. Often, people use pick up lines & then are left dumbfounded with nothing else to say. Always follow your pick up line with a question or a comment that elicits a response.

"I only have a minute before I must get back to my friends, but I wanted to introduce myself to you."
This line is more formal & old fashioned, but it takes the edge off. Most women tend to shy away from men who they think may become instant stalkers. By letting her know from the beginning that you aren't planning on monopolizing her time, she will be more receptive to your introduction & conversation.

"The only thing your body language isn't telling me is your name."
This line is a bit more straightforward & should be used only when you are positive that you & the woman have made that first connection. It is another great starting point that leads into an introduction.

Remember guys, don't take pick up lines so seriously, or it's bound to fail. Let your guard down a bit, & make it clear that you're aware of the cliched approach you're taking. The girl may not swoon, but she'll probably think you're cool enough to carry on a conversation with. The rest is up to you ;)

Look Away

Don't look to deeply into my eyes
you might just see into my soul
on the outside is all you want or need
what you see now is a facade
because what is real, is in ruins

floods of tears had came
and rushed away all my pride
then the drought of sorrow arrived
it left my soul barren, thickened with shame
because, I'm truly not strong as I seem

I hope you've never noticed how I smile
it never reaches my eyes,
coded with cold thoughts my subconscious whispers
such strong cowardice is behind my placid actions
I know it might be hard, but pretend I'm perfect as I seem